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HELP NEEDED


Discocop
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Ladies and Gents

 

I have a situation which I could use your help with. I am married and have been for a couple of years. I told my wife that I love furs and she told me that she would never wear real fur. She said she would wear a fake fur not not real and that I better not buy her a real fur ever!

 

The problem is, I love my wife and I also love furs, so what does one do in this situation? For me fake fur is 'fake' so to speak and is not like the real thing! It does not even come close..

 

I love my wife but I have loved furs longer than I have loved my wife.. what am I to do??

 

Disco

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Discocop;

 

I don't want to toss ice water on your relationship butafter two failed marriages and much internal searching I am realizing what a profound effect my wife no being into fur had on our marriage.

 

This quite recently has come to confirmation with conversations I am now having with my second wife. It was increasingly hard to hide with my wearing fur most of the time lately. We are still the best of friends.

 

I recently "came out" to her over my fondness for furs. She had suspected all along and we came to realize life might have been much different if it had happened many years ago.

 

I would say it is good that you have a conversation with your wife over this and I hope for the best for your relationship.

 

 

OFF

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As a divorce all i can is; Why get married in the first place?

 

Other than that; if one has a little secret love that they like to indulge in, why live with someone where you have to give it up or do it surreptitiously. People make choices and a lot of them later regret it. Look at the situation from your wife's point of view. Let's say she loves line dancing and you hate it; would you do it to please her? NO WAY!

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I see five paths you can go by:

 

1) Discussion & mutual resolution:

 

The two of you can discuss the topic rationally, in a forthright manner and find out why each of you believe the way you do. Correct facts are accepted. Wrong information is thrown out and replaced with good. At the end, each of you know where the other stands and, hopefully, come to agreement. (One way or the other.)

 

This is probably the best solution but, actually, it is the least likely. Issues like this are so emotionally charged that some people are never going to change their mind no matter how much fact is presented. They see it as a personal insult if somebody tries to change their minds or present them with true facts that they don't want to believe.

 

2) Find a middle ground:

 

Maybe there are some kinds of fur that she can get used to.

 

How about rabbit fur?

 

Rabbits are used for food. If not for fur, the pelts might be thrown away or turned into animal by-products.

 

There are some kinds of rabbit fur that are damn nice! Can you get her to accept rabbit if you promise to leave other kinds of fur out of it?

 

3) Agree to disagree:

 

Each of you have come to the conclusion that the other will not be swayed. You agree that the subject will not be brought up, nor will one participate in the other's activity.

 

But, where does that leave you? You can't have your furs. She can't have you without. It takes a strong person to keep a relationship alive with such a bone of contention in the midle.

 

Basically, that means that you will have to suffer silently for the forseeable future.

 

4) Seperation:

 

The least desirable solution.

 

But, if you can't find a resolution to the problem any other way, it may be the only answer.

 

5) Will she allow you to have a "Fur Mistress"?

 

Yeah! I know! It's hard to swallow. You got married to be with each other. But, "Open Marriage" isn't a new concept. It's been done for ages.

 

First off, both parties must know about it and agree to it!

 

Second, limits must be set. Will you be allowed to bring your Fur Mistess into the house? Will she be allowed to bring her "Open Partner" into the house? Will you ever meet each others partner?

 

Will there be sex involved? Do you want to make love in fur or do you just want to have a woman wearing fur for you? It's got to be laid out in advance.

 

I know a man who had an open marriage with his wife but he made over $75,000 per year and she didn't have to work or pay bills. She had a grown daughter graduating college and she didn't have to take care of children any more. She even had a housekeeper. She lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and she got a new car every 2-3 years.

 

He was allowed to have a mistress and she was allowed to have her boyfriend. The four of them met and got to know each other then, after that, the agreement was made that they would not have to meet again. The house and the marriage bed were off-limits. Neither was allowed to bring the Open Partner into the bedroom.

 

I don't know if that's a good solution for you. It's probably not. But, this guy I knew claimed he had been doing it for several years and he says the both of them have never been happier.

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Some good answers fellahs, common denominator - Be Honest & Open

 

All I would add is don't keep quite & let it eat away at you & never ever give up summit you love as you'll both loose out in the end as resentment will kick it at some stage. You know your wife well enough to know how to come to a happy comprimise for the both of you, what that may be I can't help you with, that's down to you both, maybe fake fur isn't an ideal solution but perhaps if your wife is adament it's a "foot in the door" & summit to work with. If it was me in your position maybe I would buy a fur for myself & work on that angle?

 

"Where there's a will there's a way" is summit I live & die by, go for it & good luck to you both

 

Take care

 

furelli

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My advice: true love is hard to find. Don't throw away the love of a woman for your fur fetish. I know it's a major part of your life--I speak from experience. But love is about not being selfish, but looking out for the other person. If you look out for her, she will look out for you. Be honest with her--don't let her forget you have a thing for furs, but don't be overbearing, either. With gentle patience, it may pay off--and you'll have the best of both worlds.

 

The time is going to come when you don't get sexually excited about anything. It will be better to have someone to grow old with who can sit on the porch and hold your hand than a closet full of aging coats.

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There's been some excellent advice here and without a doubt there is a need to fully communicate your views on the subject to eachother.

 

You obviously have very strong feelings for your good lady and it seems she feels the same way about you. It might be worth suggesting that you both, either together or separately, seek the advice of some kind of counsellor or agony aunt...someone who deals with these kinds of questions on a regular basis and has no existing connection with either of you.

 

If she were to state her position as "I love my man dearly but I'm not comfortable with this fur thing" then she's likely to be advised to accomodate you to some extent on the basis that "a leopard can't change his spots so if he gets what he needs at home, he won't ever be tempted to look elsewhere".

 

She is also likely to hear that there are a good many things that some men would like from their wives that would be far more difficult to deal with than slipping into a sumptuous fur coat once in a while. (Ours is certainly one of the gentler fettishes)

 

It goes without saying that, like in any negotiation, this cuts both ways. You must be prepared to accomodate her needs as well in whatever form they might take. If you take the trouble to find out what she really enjoys and make sure she gets it as often as possible then after a short while she should be far more receptive to any requests you may like to make.

 

You might be able to agree that this would be something that would be strictly restricted to the bedroom and that only second hand furs would be involved. After all, the animals from which they came died a long time ago when attitudes were a bit different to today and nothing anyone can do is going to bring them back. This is likely to be more acceptable than new furs as she would not perceive herself as being responsible for the deaths of the animals that went into them.

 

I really hope that you can reach an understanding and that you find a solution to this one little hurdle. The worst thing either of you could do would be to let this fester.

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I have been a lover of fur my entire life and I have been fortunate to have been married to a woman for over 30 years of it that endulges my fetish. But I would be kidding myself to say that she endulges me as often as I would like.... (that probably isn't even possible). While she has no objection to fur (from the typical animal rights point of view) she has at times queried about whether my obsession with fur completely overshadows my feelings for her, and has noted (probably correctly) that she feels at times like she is but a part of a threesome in bed and not the only woman in my life. I have given a lot of thought to that over the years, and we have come to a happy balance. Fur occasionally plays a part in the bedroom, and when it does its special and exciting for sure, but I try very hard to not allow it to be the controlling force in my life to the point where anything else holds no pleasure.

My personal opinion, and that's all it is, is that it is hard enough in this life to find a partner, a soul-mate if I may use the cliche... let alone one that will cater to our slightly off-center kinks...(although I do agree... and often used this logic.. that it seems a much classier thing to ask a lady to wear than say... a latex diaper....but to each his own...). I think if the fur is more important to you than the relationship, well maybe you need to think hard about it. As far as progressing to a middle ground, there are some very convincing fakes out there... albeit the best ones are pricey.. and if she has no objection short of the "peta" thing... that is the place to start. Once you have had that for awhile, as someone else mentioned, the concept of "used" furs could possibly be considered.........

 

... and lastly... while this is probably wrong on so many levels..... I would suggest to you that most non-fur obsessed people are not that great at distinguishing real from fake......there is always the possibility of slipping in a real fur that you were "mislead" to believe was fake.......(no, no.. I know... wrong...).....

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If you are not honest and open with her, though you may love her, she doesnt really know you. You would be living a lie long term and beleive me it wont work.

 

I was with a girl for 12 years and I tried everything. Its not that she had any objection to fur, while we were in London she would wear it. However when we moved, she was in her work people who were very hippyfied teachers. She just wouldnt wear it in case it offended them, as they were our social circle. that started just because she wore a faux to school on her first day and someone said "I hope thats not real".

To me that was capitualtion to them rather than sticking up for us. Also, while she didnt smoke, she would occassionally have one because she knew I liked it. She stopped that too. It was as though our days of courting foreplay were over and that she wasnt going to indulge me any more once she had snared me into buying a house together.

 

Well 3 airhostesses, a model, 6 czech girls, four airport pulls, a girl in Southport and a half a dozen other hotel pulls and Harvey nicks ladies later, all with women in fur made me realise it wasnt going to work.

 

So I asked my current girlf from the outset what she thought about fur and smoking(she was already a smoker) and she said that smoking turned her on, and said she had no problem with real fur except the pricetag.

 

This surprised me as she was vegetarian, but she said that she knew fur farms were much more welfare minded than normal factory farming, she didnt have a problem. In fact she was excited by the prospect. I bought a Gucci fur to sell on once and she cried when I sold it!!!

 

So I suggest that you must sit her down, and be firm, and ask her whar her objections to fur are. If its public perception or fear from other people, you have to tell her that isnt good enough. You have to tell her that the ultimate fantasy of any red blooded man is to bring home the hunted animal for his woman, and adorn her with its fur.. Any man who isnt like this is either lying or has been reprogrammed from his primal instinct.

You dont ever back down and pander to a woman. I did it and it stops your relationship working on all sorts of levels.

 

If she starts to rethink, and begins to warm, go on your computer and look on ebay. Say, well if you had to have one, which style, colour etc would she most warm too. You also show her the arguments for. Show her an online fur farm to show how well kept they are, and show her the Argentine soya fields where there were once fur farms(which have wiped out all the forest and animlas for thousadns of square miles. tell her that if she doesnt like fur for some other reason thats one thing, but that the animal rights argument is hypocritical and false. Fake is worse for the environment...and certainly polyester coats are dreadful.

You tell her how beautiful she is and how good she would look in fur and that desire to have her in fur is never going to go away.

 

Then she has to make a simple choice. Compromise will lead to you being unfaithful, and you will just grab hold of the first fur wearer you come across and be unfaithful. And believe me, you jusy have to spend a couple of days in the west end and you will get one at somewhere like 5th floor Bar at Harvey Nicks.

 

Thats what I should have done in the first place with my ex. Maybe our relationship would have got better then. having said that, I havent looked back. Its so much nicer having an honest sexual relationship; which I have with the girl I am with now. And the depth of our love is far deeper than it was with my ex.

 

Now I cant get her out of fur even in this weather!!!

 

I say "wear a gilet if you must" She says "no...its cold and will be even colder when we get home". So she goes to the restaurant when its 70 degrees early evening in a mink with power fox sleeves.

Oh well. I cant complain.

 

And if my girlf liked line dancing allfurme? NO PROBLEM, I would and do indulge all her passions as she does me. Sharing is wonderful: we should only be together if we want to make each other happy.

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