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Happy to be back... I've been gone awhile.


LTobar
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Hey everyone! I want to express how happy I am to see that the Fur Den is still around. It has been awhile since I have been to visit. The last time I was here was back in 2005. I used to enjoy reading the topics of other members and exploring the site. Fur Den is the only place I know where people who love all things to do with furs can come and speak openly. Without being seen as odd, weird, or gay because they like and wear fur. Myself I have worn fur since I was 14 years old, but I had to hide the fact that I did because I was worried how family and others would view me. My family misunderstood me and thought just because I preferred women’s style furs, it meant that I must be gay, which I reassured them that it was not the case. My mother has seen me wear one of my minks in New York City in December 2004. She was very uncomfortable with me openly wearing a fur coat. She's always said "Why couldn’t have you gotten a men's style fur coat" I told her "No I like the way a woman's style fur coat feels against my body.” During my time in New York City I walked the streets with pride and felt no shame. I received nothing but positive comments. A man in his 30s with his wife complimented me on my fur. Telling me how manly I was for going out wearing a woman's style mink. I thanked him and told his wife how beautiful she was in her mink stroller. So from that experience I learned that not the whole world viewed men wearing furs like my family does. They have not been supportive. My grandmother threw out my first mink stoles I found at Goodwill. My sister has thought of me as pathetic because I liked fur coats. My family thought it was not natural for men to like fur fashion. They saw it as unmanly. But I see it differently, in that men can like, love, and wear fur the same as women. There should not be a double standard, but unfortunately some people have the same views as my family. I would like to hear others' stories on how they explained to family, significant other, or friends about their love for wearing fur. What was their response and view when you told them? And lastly I love to hear how other members discovered their passion and love for all things furs. Were you introduced at a young age by a family member, by accident, or just you realized it was something you like?

 

Once again like to personally thank FrBrGr, auzmink, ReFur, Wallee, White Fox, OFF or Old Fur F##t, FurLoverinFL, Worker 11811, and Akcoyote. Along with every other member of Fur Den for the work that goes into the site. So that we may have a place to feel like we are not alone in our love for fur. A place that is free of prejudices and negative opinions. I hope that I will be able to contribute more in the future, I would love to hear feedback on my topic as well as the questions posed at the end of this post. Bye everyone, until next time.

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Thanks! Glad to see you're still hanging around.

 

I believe that people have the right to do what they want as long as they aren't hurting anybody else in the process. Over and above that, I believe that this right should be preserved for all. It is not right for a person to say that something that they believe in is allowed while, at the same time, saying that some other thing that others do should not be allowed. If other people want me to respect their rights, they must respect mine.

 

Many people think drinking alcohol is immoral and people shouldn't be allowed to drink beer. That is their right. If they believe that then it is all right for them to abstain from drinking. Other people don't believe drinking is immoral and enjoy drinking beer. Again, that is their right. I respect that.

 

However, a person who drinks beer should not go around telling others what they should or should not wear. If they want me to respect their right to drink, they must respect my right to wear whatever I want. If they don't, they are just hypocrites!

 

If everybody ran around telling other people what to do and outlawing things that they found objectionable, there's no telling whether some person will come along and try to ban something that they believe in and enjoy doing.

 

Who knows? Maybe somebody will come along and try to outlaw drinking soda from cups larger than 16 ounces!

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I believe that people have the right to do what they want as long as they aren't hurting anybody else in the process.

+1

 

Personally, I didn't have much of a problem with family, although I think my sister still thinks my fur wearing a bit unusual. My biggest initial problem was having the confidence to wear fur in public. I had an arctic style coyote parka (now retired) that received many unsolicited positive comments from women which allowed me to overcome my apprehension of publicly wearing fur.

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Tobar...

 

First off I want to say how great it is to see an "Old Member" back again here. I've been hesitating to reply here as I was hoping that some other members would reply first. I think that sometimes we as staff around here tend to turn others off when we post to a thread too early and others tend to not follow.

 

However, since no one else has replied I am going to chime in!

 

I just want to say a Hardy "Welcome Back"! I am SO glad to hear from you again. I love seeing some of our old members return now and then. So often they get busy in their lives with other things or even change interests and go to another site for awhile and return. But it is always so great when they return.

 

As for wearing fur. One of the things you get as I am sure that you have noticed when you wear fur, is the extremes. Extremes, rather than the normals. If you go out with a stylish cloth coat on, few if anyone will comment. It is just the "Norm". But when you put on a fur coat it is the extreme. So, so often when you walk down the street you will see people give a slight nod or a look. Almost always those are nods of "God, your coat is unbelievably gorgeous!" But there is that one time that will come at some time when a drunk will say something or someone might make a negative remark. It is almost never. But there is that one time out of a thousand!

 

There is one rule I do make when wearing fur. i.e. if I know people are against fur or seem to take it negatively when I go there, I will not wear it when I return again. I just see that as a sign of "Respect". However, when they return to my house or my "Property" in some way, I expect that same line of respect to be returned. And it pretty much always is! My family are not anti fur. But when I wear it there, they do seem a bit defensive. I think it is more of a "Why should you have that?" type of attitude than anything else. And I don't visit there all that much. So I very seldom wear fur there either. I do think that when it comes to family that it is more of a "Personal thing" rather than a "Fur" thing. As family we see each other differently. And in some cases that might mean we are viewed with even more respect when we wear fur. But in some cases with less. I think that two big things come to mind here. The first is respect. And the second is if you like to wear fur then wear it. There are even times when I just want a fur wearing day. I might go to a museum or gallery that day for a stroll. NOT because I want to look at their displays. I might not even be in the mood to do that. But because I just want to enjoy going out wearing fur.

 

As to women's coats. Why not "Go down the middle"? What I have found is that premade men's coats are not generally nice looking. They are one size fits all and are all "Mountain man" styles. i.e. HUGE and BULKY and as a result look terrible. I remember one time when I went into a store and they were trying so hard to try to sell me a man's coyote. I finally got them to let me try a hooded woman's coyote with a white fox tux. Immediately I heard this gasp from the sales gal. I looked in the mirror and felt the same. It looked gorgeous. I just did not have the finances that day, but I could have had the buttons reversed on that coat and no one would have known it was not a men's coat. Almost always in stores that is how I have landed up going. Think of getting a woman's coat. Have a change or two if needed. Have the buttons reversed. And it is a man's coat. You know it is a woman's coat. But others do not. Presto.

 

Lastly, Thanks so much for the compliments on the site. We are on EXTREMELY shaky ground right now in another 10 months or so. I forget the date right now. We have had some help, but we still need more to be able to save the web site here. But we are So very glad that you like the site here. That you have come back to join us. And hope that we hear from you often.

 

White Fox

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  • 1 month later...

LTobar; Glad to see you back. I'm still here and wearing my furs.

 

Though different, mine are all fur lined mens jackets for certain, I think it's great you wear what you want to. " title="Applause" />

 

OFF

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Wanting and expecting respect and acceptance because you like something that is different is a very reasonable expectation. I applaud you for making this point! BUT...not only does your family need to expand their minds, you could use some open-mindedness too. When you use the words "odd, weird, and gay" all in the same sentence, you are telling your audience that all three are negative labels. Being gay is not bad, it is just different....just like your desire to wear woman's furs - it is different, but not bad or sick in any way. Straight guys who like to wear woman's cut furs deserve to be respected, and so do gay folks - our diversity makes the world a more interesting place! Enjoy your uniqueness!

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