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With Apologies To All Minnesotans


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Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Hans, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.


Hans and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of the Conor Pass. At the Conor Pass, Sven looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says: "Dis looks like a grand place."


He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Hans watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.


Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Hans shakes his head and says: "Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."


BUT WAIT!!!! there's MORE!


v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v




Moments later Ole arrives up at Conor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Hans. Watch dis," Ole says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Hans watches as half way down, Ole takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Ole continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.


Hans shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."


BUT WAIT!!!!.....There's MORE!!


v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v




Hans is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Lars then grasps the chicken by the legs holds it over his head and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.


Once more Hans shakes his head - "First der was Sven with his budgie jumping, den Ole parrotshooting .... and now Lars is hengliding....."


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Being a Minnesotan, I take no offense to dem jokes.. There are a lot of email jokes with dem kanuckle-heads that get shared and almost every one of them is hilarious. The only sad part is, like other places in the country, there are some people that dim and just might try those stunts..

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Hey Kappa. Did you hear that there was a hockey game one time between the folks in Minnesota and the folks in Wisconsin?


They got together one night and someone mentioned they were both oppressed groups on the net so they should have a hockey game among themselves.


Well, both teams skated out onto the ice. They were skating around, and the ref blew the whistle to start the game. Well the Wisconsin folks forgot what was going on and skated off the ice thinking the first period was over. But the folks from Minnesota decided to just play on ahyhow. And they played. And they played. And with 30 seconds left in the first period they finally scored a goal!




P.S. Original version had the game between the Newfies in Newfoundland and the Pollocks. But I just thought in this case ...

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But the folks from Minnesota decided to just play on anyhow. And they played. And they played. And with 30 seconds left in the first period they finally scored a goal!


Hey White Fox - You sure dey weren't from Nort Dakohda . . . ?

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No, FrBrGr you have those mixed up. The guy from N/D was the one who had to quit tap dancing because he kept falling into the sink!


I figure maybe I can get out of trouble just a bit more if I blame most every State and Province for something! Share the blame so to speak.



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Sven and Magnus were talking one afternoon when Sven tells Magnus, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only dis year I'm a gonna do it a little different. Da last few years, I took your advice about where to go. T'ree years ago you said to go to Hawaii . I went to Hawaii and Ingrid got pregnant. Den two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Ingrid got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Ingrid didn't get pregnant again!"


Magnus asked Sven, "So, what ya gonna do dis year dat's so different?"


And Sven says, "Dis year I'm takin' Ingrid with me!"

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BYTE: how Lena stops Ole's advances.


LOG ON: dats how ya make da vood stove hotter.


LOG OFF: vhat Sven vas trying to do vhen he burnt his hands terrible.


MONITOR: keep an eye on da vood stove.


MEGAHERTZ: ven a big log drops on your foot.


COMPACT DISK: vhat ya get from lifting logs dat's too heavy.


FLOPPY DISK: vhat da lefse looks like vhen it's cooked yust right.


RAM: da hydraulic ting dat makes da voodsplitter vork.


DRIVE: how you get home ven da snow's not too deep.


HARD DRIVE: dat's vhen you're going to Madison vhen da snow's deep.


PROMPT: vhat ya vish da mail vas during da snow season.


ENTER: vhen ya come on in!


WINDOWS: vhat ya shut vhen it gets 10 below out.


SCREEN: vaht ya gotta have in blackfly season.


CHIP: vhat ya munch on during da Packer's game.


MICROCHIP: vhat's left in da bottom of da bag vhen da big ones are gone.


MODEM: vhat ve did to da hayfields last yuly.


DOT MATRIX: Lars Matrix's vife.


LAPTOP: vhere da grandkids sit.


KEYBOARD: vher ya suppose to put da keys so da Missus can find em.


SOFTWARE: da plastic picnic utinsils.


HARDWARE: vhen da missus starches da undervare.


MOUSE: vhat leaves dem little turds in da cupboard.


MAINFRAME: da part of da outhouse dat holds up da roof.


SERIAL PORT: vhere da vheaties come from by boat to Stoton.

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