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(I personally doubt this is from Andy Rooney, but it still has a few funny ones. Linda)







1. When I was born, I was given a choice -- a big pecker or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.


2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.


3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.


4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."


5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -- 'don't' and 'stop,' unless they are used together.


6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.


7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.


8. Virginity can be cured.


9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.


10. Having sex is like playing bridge -- if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.


11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.


12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.


13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.


14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.


15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.


16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.


17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed,' many men still sleep with their wives!

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