ANDY ROONEY ON SEX ~ AND HE'S RIGHT ON ~

[ReFur]

(I personally doubt this is from Andy Rooney, but it still has a few funny ones. Linda)

 

 

 

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX ~ AND HE'S RIGHT ON ~

 

 

1. When I was born, I was given a choice -- a big pecker or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.

 

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

 

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

 

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

 

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -- 'don't' and 'stop,' unless they are used together.

 

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

 

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

 

8. Virginity can be cured.

 

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

 

10. Having sex is like playing bridge -- if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

 

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

 

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

 

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

 

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

 

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

 

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

 

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed,' many men still sleep with their wives!

[Guest]

I LOVE IT!