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A Compendium of 'Pun-tifications'


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1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. ...Then it hit me.


2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting .. a rest.


3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? ...He's all right now.


4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was ...Sir Cumference.


5. To write with a broken pencil is ...pointless.


6. When fish are in school, they sometimes take ..debate.


7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.


8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became a hardened criminal.


9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.


10. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.


11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.


12. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on ...shaky ground.


13. The dead batteries were donated free of charge.


14. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.


15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.


16. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)


17. I didn't know where the sun went at night, so I stayed up thinking about it until it dawned on me.

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8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became a hardened criminal.


Obviously then I fell in the concrete at some time in my life. And damn it I can't even remember.


I do though remember going to the machine shop with my Dad with a new suit on when I was about 5 years old. And spilled 5 gallons of used oil all over my new clothes. I was ok when I got home. Dad barely dared to enter the house.



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Wise man say:


  • Man who run in front of car get tired.
  • Man who run behind car get exhausted.
  • Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
  • Man who sit on tack get point!
  • Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
  • Man stuck in pantry have ass in jam.


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  • 4 months later...

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