furs and kids

[furslave]

Ok, here's a question from a fur and sm lover, and my wife.

 

We are thinking of having kids, I mean adoption (its a long story, but still).

 

Now for those of you who have kids, how do you work your passion with them? Do you hide it? Or did you explain it to them? What about they're response? Some teenagers are rebellious to what parents appreciate.

 

And to be more specific, my wife and I have sex with our furs all the time.

 

I dont know what to think. Help me someone please.

 

And dont tell me its to early to think about it, because it wont work. I know it is, but I still think about it.

 

And for those who know me from this site, I've never been shy to say I was in the bdsm lifestyle. So what do we do with that?

 

I dont even know why I'm here discussing that with you, I guess I need help in my search.

 

Anyway,

 

furslave

[Guest]

I don't think your sex life is any of your kids' business. Let the furs be a part of their life, but don't make a big deal about the sexual nature, any more than you would any other aspect of your sex life.

 

Good for you for considering adoption!! I hope that you can make a child's life better by providing a wonderful home for them!

[Worker 11811]

Parents have sex. Plain and simple.

There would be no children if parents didn't! Right?

 

Of course, you should be discrete about your sex life in front of children. That goes without saying. I really think the "furs and sex" angle makes little difference. Discretion is discretion.

 

Yes, you are a fur lover or even a fur fetishist but, for most people, "fur" does not necessarily equate to "sex". A lot of people see fur as "sexy" but they don't always make the sexual connection.

 

To draw a parallel, let me ask a question:

Just because most people have sex in bed, does that mean beds are ALWAYS used for sex?

 

Beds are most often used for sleeping. They are also used when somebody is sick. Only PART of the time do people use beds to have sex.

 

The same thing goes for fur. Most people use fur coats to keep warm. They are also used as a fashion accessory or as a status symbol. Only PART of the time do people use furs for sex.

 

So, my advice is to be matter-of-fact about the whole thing.

Use due discretion about sexual matters in front of the kids but, in the case of furs, treat them as a normal thing.

 

When the kids are grown up enough to understand sex and it comes time to have "the talk", maybe THEN you can explain about the fur fetish angle.

Who knows?! Maybe the KID will be a fur lover too!

 

Until then, I wouldn't worry.

Edited January 14, 2008 by Guest

[bindwithasmile]

Furslave,

 

I am in the lifestyle, a fur fetishist and a parent. My sex life is hidden from my daughter, who is now a teenager. She has seen me date women (her mother and I divorced 9 years ago) who wear fur, but other than an attractive and soft coat, she knows nothing of my proclivities.

 

One day perhaps we will have "the talk", but it is none of her concern regarding my sex life and 'how and what' I choose to include in it.

 

To her and the outside world, I am a 'normal' citizen, parent and home owner in the community. We have a great relationship and a lot of fun together; playing video games, talking about books, going to the movies, planning and cooking meals together, and all the things parents do for and with their children. I even insist on taking her to a museum and live theater at least once a year (to each).

 

For me, this is the only choice I see, it may not be for others and I am not here to judge. I am simply answering the question you put to the group. I hope this helps in some way.

 

BWAS

[ticklefur1]

I am so glad this topic came up. I've been contemplating posting about this but was unsure because I was a little afraid my upbringing and beliefs would step on some toes...

 

Fairly recently I was approached by a young lady (early 20s) some distance away via IM who inquired about my interest in fur.....a few conversations via IM ensued from time to time but nothing too heavy...light conversation. She began to spend most of her energy explaining how she got her love of fur from her middle-aged mom, not only a fashon/warmth sense but in a sexual sense as well. After further conversation I found out that the young lady had a certain degree of sexual attraction to her own mother and the fur fetish was a big part of the attraction.

 

A couple of times the mother chatted with me and actually asked my opinion of how to handle/address this issue, and while being honest with her I walked on eggshells a little bit because I didn't want to get too involved. This went on a couple of times. While I tried to be an innocent bystander and keep the chats light-hearted I would end up being used by the daughter in attempts for her to get aroused so she could go pounce on her mother.

 

By this time I have pretty much ceased communications with them because of a couple of exchanges...I think they are both whacked and missing out on the companionship of their own fur lovers outside the family unit. I know the security and being safe play a role in who we establish relationships with but this is just too strange for me (and unhealthy for them) to accept given the way I was raised.

 

IMHO, this is an extreme case of what a parent would NOT want to happen.

 

T

 

PS - ask me about my latest bargain fur finds...

 

Attention All... Since Tickle has made an honest post here about the situation that he was in, and how he finds it difficult to deal with something like that, I as owner am allowing this post. However, please watch your replies. We will not allow posts here that can be seen as even slightly pornographic when it comes to kids. That topic is not allowed under ANY circumstance!

White Fox

Administrator

[gensilfoxx]

each couple need to decide what is right for them. by the same token so do the children. my (soon to be) ex - dislikes fur and she takes pleasure in telling people i love furand that it makes me "abnormal". whilst it doesnt my kids may think "hes not right" but in time they will realise that i am perfectly healthy. my "ex" wont dress in anything for me. i have friends who do "dress up" including fur. a child will decide on their own what they do and dont like. my appreciation of fur came from a visit to leeds as a child and i stood outside a furrier for somewhile whilst parents went into a shop to buy "me" something

[auzmink]

personally, I think Worker has hit the nail on the head. Why sweat about being 'abnormal'? As we all know, its actually normal to have a fetish, in fact I think most males and a healthy proportion of females do also.

 

Our passion is not illegal, not dangerous and is really rather beautiful and sensual. Furs are for warmth, no argument, look great on, and can make a great bed-cover.

 

Kids only need to see normal parents and if questions come up as they are older, truth is a good option.

 

Don't hide it, don't flaunt it, be normal with it.

 

Auzmink.

[ticklefur1]

I only posted what I did because at the time I had conversations with the people in question because 1) it was very disturbing to me 2) it refered to people who were both adult ages and 3) it pertained to the topic as a worst-case scenerio......What transcribed when the daughter was a minor I have no awareness of and don't want to know.

 

My apologies for stirring the pot, and to make things a little clearer, my "involvement" was meniscule and only involve a few instances of instant messages only. Good day to all.

 

T

[White Fox]

Tickle

 

Please forgive me if I did not word my note correctly. There was nothing at all wrong with your post. It was well thought out, to the point, and well worded (unlike mine apparently). The reason that I left your post was exactly that. I also trust most all of our members not to take that in the wrong direction, but it is very easy to write something by mistake that can be misinterpreted after or even misquoted. I just was asking others that followed to word their replies as well as you worded yours.

 

Once again, your post was OK. that was exactly what I was trying to say.

 

W

[ReFur]

This thread actually has caused me to start a new thread that discusses the difference between "fetish" and "erotic".

 

It has been at the heart of understanding in the past. Sometimes we mean the same thing but being mult-cultural our words mean different things.

 

We have had some incredible conversation that new members and older members will appreciate re-reading.

 

Linda

[Worker 11811]

Message above removed at Member's request. W.F.

 

Your English is better than my Itallian!

I learned a little Itallian many years ago when I traveled to Europe. I have spoken it so infrequently that I have forgotten 90% of what I learned. But one thing I do remember is that many people in Europe don't mind if you speak their language poorly as long as you make the honest effort. They are honored that you are trying to learn their language.

 

I extend the same courtesy to you!

I am honored that you try to speak and write English!

 

Something else...

 

I also know that many people of Europe don't have the same "hang-ups" about sex that some Americans do. They see sex as a natural thing. Mild nudity is not so much a problem. Many Europeans would not be offended to see bare buttocks in public. But, to many Americans, that is taboo!

 

Many Europeans' views on raising children are different too.

To discuss sex in a forthright way in front of a child of 10 years is not as much a problem. Yes! Yes! Europeans despise having sex with children just as much as Americans do! They think it is important to shield young children from sex before they are old enough to understand. But their attitudes do not say, "Sex is bad!" like Americans say. They do not tell children that sex is okay. They just teach children to be responsible.

 

So, maybe it would be a good thing if Americans tried to understand the way Europeans think about children even if we don't agree. It is the same thing as trying to understand their language.

[ReFur]

Message above removed at member's request. W.F.

 

As I said in my pm: We are so glad to have you here. One of roles we play as mods here is help new members learn the history and personalities on the site.

 

I agree with Worker, too!

[furslave]

First, I wish to thank you all for your answers.

 

Second, after reading all those answers, I will think about it and make my OWN thought about it.

 

Third, please note that the title is furs and kids and NOT furs with kids!

 

Fourth, my wife and I have sex with the fur but my wife dont wear the coats outside. Never. They are too big. Ok maybe one day she will have one for her only, but for now, it is my fetish and only mine. The 3 coats we have are too big for her. For my wife, my fur are acceptable because it is my fetish. And because now she likes it.

 

So with kids, I ask the question again, after a while kids start to search the house for any secret place. I know I did when I was young! So one day the kid see the fur coats. (I may have 3 now, but will have more then!!!). And realize that my wife dont wear them. ???

 

hmmm! does it make any sense? I am so mixt up with all that. plus the question of having kids....all this is really hard for me. tough mentaly.

 

Please dont take this too lite. It is a big deal for me.

 

And for Massimos, please note, that I too, am not an english first language person. It would be a little easier in french. but then again, maybe not because I think my idea are not clear in my head!!!

 

Thank you all.

 

furslave

[White Fox]

Furslave...

 

There is one thing you are forgetting. There is nothing wrong to own fur coats and wear them. Nothing wrong for either you or your wife. So, if you wear them even just once in awhile, the kids will simply be saying "Gee I love Dad's coat", etc. If you don't wear them, you can probably even just say that they are old coats you used to wear.

 

Kids love fur, and see nothing wrong with wearing it. It is only we adults that seem to get hung up on that for some strange reasons. I doubt that kids would think that much of it.

 

W

[Worker 11811]

Sorry if this is to forward to ask...

 

(If this is too difficult to talk about in the clear we can branch off this part of the discussion under cover of the closed forum. Say the word, Furslave, and I will do that for you.)

 

What kind of sex are we talking about?

 

Are we talking about a full-blown BDSM dungeon? Are we swinging from the chandeliers? Or are we just talking about putting on some furs and getting tied up in bed?

 

If you're just talking about light/sensual bondage or even just plain kinky stuff I wouldn't be worried at all.

 

Just hang your furs up in the closet. If you have a wardrobe that can be locked, more's the better. If you have other kinds of "toys" you can simply put them into a locked drawer. If you have things that don't fit into a nightstand or bureau drawer there are other ways.

 

I have a heavy black canvas duffle bag like hockey players use to store their gear in. It's got a heavy duty metal zipper with metal tabs that can accept a padlock. If you don't like that idea you can get a lockable suitcase.

 

In any case, put your furs and your toys away some place that is reasonably safe such as a locked wardrobe, a drawer or a suitcase then tell the kid(s), "These are Mommy and Daddy's things. Don't touch!"

 

I understand you don't want to have any "deep, dark secrets" but you don't want to traumatize your kids, either. You are right to want to shield your kid(s) from the adult world until they are mature enough to understand.

 

It IS, however, perfectly acceptable to tell your kids that there are some things in the house that are simply off limits.

 

I grew up in a house where my father kept guns. He was a hunter and a sport shooter and he treated guns in a matter-of-fact manner and he demanded that us kids respect his cardinal rule: Kids do NOT play with guns!

 

My father was harsh. If he caught us playing with his guns without his permission it meant instant punishment without appeal! (Punishment meant getting your ass beat!)

 

No, you probably don't want to be as harsh as my father but I use him as an example which says that it is perfectly acceptable for parents to set limits and expect that they be obeyed.

 

When the children are older and able to understand things you can have "the talk." At that time, if you believe it is important to talk about other things like your fur fetish, you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

Right now I think it suffices to say that you are the parent. You have the right to set rules and expect that they be obeyed. If they are broken you have the right to dole out reasonable punishments. There is no need to explain any more than that until the kids are old enough to understand, at which time, you tell them what you think they need to know.

[furslave]

Thanks again all of you.

 

Funny ennough, but its the last messages that cought my attention more.

So thank you Worker and Whitefox.