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5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE


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A few of these I have heard before, but a few are new.

 

Linda

 

 

 

Lesson 1:

 

 

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up

her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a

towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the

next-door neighbor.

 

 

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that

towel."

 

 

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands

naked in front of Bob.

 

 

 

 

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

 

 

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

 

 

 

 

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

 

 

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

 

 

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he

owes me?"

 

 

 

 

Moral of the story:

 

 

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with

your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable

exposure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson 2:

 

 

 

 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,

forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After

controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

 

 

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

 

 

 

 

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand

slide up her leg again.

 

 

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

 

 

 

 

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

 

 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

 

 

 

 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm

129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

 

 

Moral of the story:

 

 

If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for

advancement will pass right by you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson 3:

 

 

 

 

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to

lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes

out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

 

 

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the

Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

 

 

Puff! She's gone.

 

 

 

 

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,

relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina

Coladas and the love of my life."

 

 

Puff! He's gone.

 

 

 

 

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

 

 

 

 

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

 

 

Moral of the story:

 

 

 

 

Always let your boss have the first say.

 

 

 

 

Lesson 4:

 

 

 

 

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small

rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do

nothing?"

 

 

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

 

 

 

 

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of

a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

 

 

Moral of the story:

 

 

 

 

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high

up.

 

 

 

 

Lesson 5:

 

 

 

 

 

 

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get

to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

 

 

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the

bull. They're packed with nutrients."

 

 

 

 

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him

enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after

eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

 

 

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the

top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of

the tree.

 

 

 

 

Moral of the story:

 

 

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

 

 

 

 

Lesson 6:

 

 

 

 

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the

bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying

there, a cow came by and shit on him.

 

 

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to

realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay

there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

 

 

 

 

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,

and promptly dug him out and ate him.

 

 

Morals of the story:

 

 

 

 

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

 

 

 

 

THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

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