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We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.


When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:




(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.


Here comes the important part:




More routine....


(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.


Important again:




More routine....


(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.


And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

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UGH!! You forget number one rule!




Must have large fire! Use much charcoal fluid! Airplanes swerve when man light fire!


Fire is good! Man worship fire! Man sacrifice MEAT to fire god!


Woman NOT touch fire! Hot! Woman anger fire god!


Only MAN light sacred fire!


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In a hurry but have to comment here.


So often I have camped in the outback. I see nighbors camping across the lake. At 6 o'clock I suddenly see a huge fire with flames 6 feet high. I chuckle knowing it will be 15 to 20 minutes before they can begin to cook on that and it will probably never be right to cook on. If only they knew.

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It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it Becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when They were younger.


When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.


My name is Jim.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to Get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and For the health benefits that we needed.


Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show Her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says She has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.


I don't Yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she Gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the Club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.


She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's Not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I Do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening That they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it Does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.


Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will Say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills During her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just Smile and offer encouragement.


I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if You know what I mean).


I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I Try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, As long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.


I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find It difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do How frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you Just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of This article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.


After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed, Jim





EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim died suddenly on March 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of the grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

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One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

















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