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According to RULE NO. 36: I must be the best looking man on earth.




According to RULE NO. 441: I'd look like Trotsky if it weren't for my beard. Well .. I don't have a goatee like he does anyway.












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Rule One:

Women can't do a damn thing without a list.

Rule Two: a man who follow the list of his woman has his testicles removed and hung over the mantlepiece.

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RULE NO. 228: Movies that feature a fat person in the starring role are invariably sad.


RULE NO. 229: Or very, very funny.


What if it involves a Sumo wrestler, who fights crime?


RULE NO. 563: A man who pronounces croissant as "kwa-sa" is not a man at all.


But not for the reason it seems. The actual French pronunciation is "kwa-san", but with the "n" half swallowed. So if you pronounce it "kwa-sa" in America, you are a wimp, and in Europe, a dummy for not getting it right.


RULE NO. 544: Not even the sultan of Brunei can use autumn as a verb.


Makes Spring seem like an awfully generous season.


Rule No. 321 Restaurants that demand that you call them to confirm are 73 percent more likely to have haughty servers.


Which is why my family saves restaurants with reservations for major occasions (such as a graduation or wedding). Otherwise, the point is to actually eat.


RULE NO. 996: Anyone who shares a name with a celebrity has had that coincidence pointed out before you came along.


And sharing a name with a character in a hit movie.


RULE NO. 441: Designer eyeglasses should make you look like something between a German architect and a Libyan dictator.


Or a Persian, according to a recent episode of South Park.


And I have a couple rules of my own:


-- There is a thing as Christian Rock that actually sounds like Rock. Those songs just never get played on the Christian rock stations.


-- People usually avoid acting like pompous movie critics, unless it's a film by Micheal Bay. Then they act as though they know better than everyone else what makes a proper movie.


-- If you get most of the jokes made by the Comic Book Guy, on the Simpsons, it doesn't make you a nerd. If you can think of more obscure ones, you are.


-- I find I cover my ears the less scary a horror film is. The least scary ones use loud noises and music notes to try to cover up how boring they are.


-- The best reality shows are where people actually do something, like trying to do comedy, learning to dance, or losing weight. The rest are glorified game shows that pretend they are dramas.


-- If the Bible was written by God, why doesn't it have a passage that claims it was written by God?


-- Type your favorite rock song into youtube's search, and you will likely see a video of someone hacking it into Guitar Hero II, and then be pissed that it isn't in the actual game.

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Qu®wo so(n) I think you will find. The n is there definately but said with mouth closed. Def not kwa in French or english

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Qu®wo so(n) I think you will find. The n is there definately but said with mouth closed. Def not kwa in French or english


Oh, TOS!! I could resist this!!!


I am assuming you have a very hard time with the n then? 8)



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Half my family back in the states says "krah-sontt". My Mother, who used to be fluent in French, of course makes us all laugh with her perfect, albeit exaggerated "kwa-(son)"...then my Dad started doing it half-and-half: "kwa-sahnt".


Here in Roma, it's a cornetto. They're tiny. I had one for breakfast this morning. I used to miss the big, buttery, American grocery store 'krahsontts'.


Domani, domani, if I'm not sleeping off the jetlag through Breakfast on Saturday!


now back to packing...





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