Laughter is the best medicine

[Foxy Lady]

P.S. I hope that no one is offended by these in any way, please keep in mind my occupation. Mods, no hard feelings if you need to remove these do to their contents.

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A cop was on his horse is waiting to cross the street when a little girl on

her new shiny bike stops beside him.

 

"Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"

 

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

 

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety

violation, and said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the

back of it."

 

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there

sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"

 

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

 

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the

d!ck goes underneath the horse, not on top."

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TOP 50 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!

1. I AM trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my

head that far up my a$$.....

2. Ahhh...I see the f*@k-up fairy has visited us again...

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. How about never? Is never good for you?

5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in

public.

6. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

7. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

8. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

9. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

10. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

11. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

12. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

13. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

14. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

15. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

16. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

18. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

19. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

20. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

21. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

22. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

23. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

24. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

25. Do I look like a people person?

26. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

27. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

28. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

29. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

30. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

31. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

32. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

33. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

34. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

35. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

36. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

38. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

39. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks

40. Just because you're right doesn't mean I can't lie and take credit for it myself

41. You are still working under the assumption that I care

42. I don't hate you, that would require effort I don't want to waste on you

43. I love deadlines, I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they fly by....

44. Years from now we're both going to look back at this and laugh, until then I can laugh for both of us.

45. You're my punishment from the last lifetime, right?

46. 1-900-Dial-a-F*@kup is offering rebates, right?

47. I'm sorry I can't help you, my insurance policy doesn't cover "Acts of Complete Ignorance"

48. And that decision is why YOU were voted Senior Fry Cook over me...

49. I take you completely seriously Mr. Snookey-Wookums...

50. You're going to have to remove the head from your ass so I can make room for my foot please.

 

 

 

[Fox]

Beautiful!

[Guest]

" title="Applause" />

[Unclejoe420]

How about these two little comments:

 

The wages of Sin is death, but the wages here are worse!!

The wages of Sin is death, but the hours are good..

 

I was gonna post a little bit of comedy i attempted, after having listened to I'm Sorry I haven't A Clue. If you folks would like to hear it, then I will post it for your enjoyment!!

 

PS Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

[ReFur]

Nice post, Foxy Lady!

 

Fox, nice to see you here as well!

 

Linda

[White Fox]

Indeed. Fantastic Post. The horse story especially! Love that one.

 

And, welcome back Foxy! Hope you are getting thing organized to be with us a little more.

 

W

[Velvet_Tigress]

FUNNY!

 

I remember the d!ck joke from somewhere and I've told it to numerous cops (all of whom were friends) who find it hilarious, though they wouldn't admit that to just anyone!

 

I love the work jokes too, though I own(ed) my own business and I could probably say whatever I wanted to the people and get away with it.

 

 

~K