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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.


Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".


Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"

Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress


Husband asks , "Do you know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"


Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.


English Teacher: You know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.


Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!


Son asks difference between confidence and confidential?

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!


Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...

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This one is very, very low keyed after those. But for some reason I thought of it as I was reading.


While Old Queen Victoria was alive, there was an English PM named Gladstone. Well, the queen did not like Galdstone very much. Someone mentioned someting about a catastrophy and a calamity - asking the difference. Thinking about a war or some such thing I suppose. And the old Queen just said...


"If Gladstone fell into the deep river that would be a calamity. If someone fished him out that would be a catastrophe!"



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Actually the Queen didn't say that. It was Benjamin Disraeli who was a conservative, he was Gladstone's arch-rival. To be pedantic, the exact quote is : If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune; and if anybody pulled him out, that I suppose would be a calamity.

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Subject: Mid Life Crisis


The Mathematics professor wrote to his wife.

"Dear, After 25 years of marriage , the zing has gone out of our relationship. at

>50 your face is wrinkled, your hair is grey and your body is sagging.

>I have decided to leave you. By the time you receive this I will be in the

>Bahamas with the 23 year old receptionist from the phys ed department .


>When he got there he received an email from his wife.

>"Dear ,

>By the time you receive this I will be in Hawaii, with the 19 yr old

>tennis pro from the Raquet club.

>You being a maths professor you will undertand that , 19 goes into 50 many

>more times than 55 goes into 23.

>good luck.

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