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Public Bar joke

Guest furelli

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The SAS, the Paras and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.


Night falls.


First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced double-tap. They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.


"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.


Next up - the Para's. They finish their cans of special brew, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.


"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.


Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.


"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!


So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, still holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises with one eye nearly shut.


"Are you taking the piss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.


The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a fucking rabbit!"

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Excellent but you forgot the team of Labour party officials.

They go into the woods, but meet up with a team of masked AR activists and someone from a property/land development company and some journalists in the dead of night.


In the morning there are pictures all over the paper of the cruelty of the Paras and the SAS, and pictures of the two poor dead rabbits and graphic gore. As punishment they have all their weapons confiscated and are sent to the hills of Afghanistan with as few weapons as possible and two helicopters that don't work, to try to stop the flow of heroin to Europe. In the meantime the givernment sells all the weapons off to dodgy African nations, to raise money to keep all the heroin addicts and criminals who have been created by an unjust former Tory society.


The woods are then sold to the developers who quickly level them and build a business park with a Tesco superstore, a multiplex cinema and a McDonalds.


The newspapers run articles for months about how cruelty to rabbits has got so bad that there aren't any left because some rich women are actually wearing their skins.


The Police are told to round up all the squirrels and detain them for questioning. As they are all red squirrels they are told to cut off all their ears and dye themselves grey as their difference is a "mark of seperation". The Police are then yold to tax anyone with a vehicle who tries to park and shop anywhere else apart from the new development, and jail anyone in future who dares hunt a rabbit.


The rabbits have all disappeared, only to turn up in their thousands in black bin liners at a dump a few weeks later. They have all been euthanised. PETA issues a statement to say that they are all better off than living in a savage wood where people can hurt them.



The trainer of the initial weekend is found dead with one wrist cut in a group of six trees and some undergrowth and a pond that are left which is now called a protected conservation area with a no fishing sign and a artistic sculpture made out of rusty supermarket trolleys.

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Good one Touch.


Apart from the fact this is about rabbits and not people, it's pretty well all true.


The truth in fact is even more scary, we are being governed by a bunch of idiots. Correction - governed is the wrong word here.


Those outside UK may think this is too ridiculous to be true, but believe me this is how our country is being run at the moment.

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I don't want to start something political here. We know how that can burn us. Not sure if you were around when that happened last, ravens8. It was very painful and almost disastrous for me.


But, I will make one comment: read AK's signature.


Many people in the world share your frustration.



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Its okay Linda we are talking about british politics.


You have to understand that our government is in receipt of a $2 million bribe from animal rights groups, yet they also are destroying our countryside.

Their hypocrisy corruption and ineffectiveness is staggering.


I agree that we don't want to open up old wounds about the war etc BUT you must let us vent our anger with our own government re what they are doing to our own country.

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