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Furredom..atlast


paul2809
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So I just walked out of a bad controlling relationship of 11 years..

There were many variables that played into things..

X..fiance  of 11years...wasn't accepting of my love of furs and now I've moved on across state lines and I can say that it feels soo good to wear my furs out where i am..

I will definitely be wear my furs more often... 

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Glad to hear it, hope you are doing well i know it cant be easy. I am in a similar postition, just ended a 9 year relationship. 

Looking forward to wearing lots more furs.

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If you find yourself walking on eggshells whenever you are around a certain person, it's time to consider whether it is wise to be around that person, at all.

I was with somebody for almost twenty years.  At first, her little eccentricities seemed cute and harmless but, little by little, they became more and more of a problem.  One day, I looked back and wondered what the hell happened.  I struggled, trying to figure out what to do.  I didn't want to end the relationship but there was no other way.  It hurt a lot in many different ways.

I asked a minister for guidance and got the stereotypical "soft talk" you might expect from clergy.  I asked a Catholic priest.  I asked a nun.  I talked to a therapist.  They all talked in circles and generalities.  I got no real answers and found no good insight from any of them.

One day, I bumped into a rabbi.  I struck up a conversation with him and told him my story.  He listened, thoughtfully, the way rabbis are known for.  Finally, I asked him, "Rabbi, is it moral for me to divorce?"

Without skipping a beat, the rabbi said, "Abuse is absolutely grounds for divorce!"

I thanked him for his advice and promised to say my prayers on Sunday.  (I'm not Jewish.)  But his words didn't sink in until almost a day later.

The rabbi was trying to tell me that *I* was the one being abused!

It hit me like a ton of bricks!

If you feel like you have to measure every word you are thinking before you say anything, if you feel like you have to think twice before doing anything, it would be wise to consider whether you are in an abusive relationship.

If you have ever gotten into an argument with somebody just from saying, "Hello," you are likely to be in a problem relationship.

If you have ever sat at the dining table with somebody and had a "quiet dinner" where you dare not say a word, you are in a problem relationship.

If you have ever sat on the edge of your seat, listening for the sound of somebody coming in the door, you've got problems.

When you are in a problem relationship, there is only one person you should be looking out for...  Yourself!

You should certainly seek advice from your clergy, a therapist or a trusted friend or family member but, when it comes down to brass tacks, take care of yourself because it's not likely that anybody else will.

I'm happy to hear that you got out of a bad relationship before getting married.  Take it from me, the whole process of getting divorced makes things a lot more difficult.  Not to mention the cost of paying a lawyer!

Take some time to relax and do some "self-care."  Take some time to figure out what you really want out of life and your relationships... whether you even want another relationship.

After you have had a chance to get yourself together, I feel certain that your life will turn around.

We're all in this together!  I'm pulling for you!  :)

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thank you........

i have no regrets about making the decisions that I had and leaving where I was living...

best thing ive ever done......... i.... amongst friends here also had help ,

from college friends that helped me in more ways than one.....

ive intentionally ignored ...... x-fiance.... i no longer say anything about my life... to her.... 

nor do I care what she thinks..........

the relationship was not phyiscally abusive, but it was more of head games, mental games.

I had enough and I said that once I leave... im not coming back.... i warned the S/O at the time 

that I waanted to leave and she didnt listen to me and thought I was joking....  as we see how that turned out...

she wants me back in the future.............. I dont think so........ never.... it was soo bad for me that I was on edge all week 

on the verge of a mental break down, but that didnt happen....help from family and college friends helped me from going down 

that road...

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8 hours ago, paul2809 said:

the relationship was not phyiscally abusive, but it was more of head games, mental games.

I had enough and I said that once I leave... im not coming back.... i warned the S/O at the time 

that I waanted to leave and she didnt listen to me and thought I was joking....  as we see how that turned out...

she wants me back in the future.............. I dont think so........ never....

People who were here in the previous version of the Fur Den might remember some things about my history but, now that that part of my life is over, I don't talk about it much, either.  Only to trusted people.  It doesn't pay to waste my life wallowing in past shit.

I am picking up little clues from things you say that make me wonder whether your ex has a similar problem as my ex.  Especially the part where you say that she claims that she thought you were joking.  That's called "gas lighting."  If that's true, it's a really-really good thing you got the hell out of there!

Regardless of whether my suspicions are true or whether I'm just seeing imaginary bogeymen, I agree with you that the best course of action is to cut off all contact.  You never want to give the other person the opportunity to drum up drama or, worse, give them any grounds (real or imaginary) for legal action against you.  If you never talk to her, she can't try to say things like, "You promised to do something."  If you never meet her, she can't claim that you are stalking her.

My ex DID try to pull that bullshit.  Luckily my lawyer saw through it and we wrote her a letter to the effect that any communication between us must be relayed between attorneys.  If she wanted to contact me, she had to tell her lawyer to send a message to my lawyer who would, then, relay the message to me.  (And vice-versa.)

I applaud you for getting the hell out of Dodge!  You are smart to cut off all contact.  If she starts causing trouble, you might consider going to the courthouse and asking for a PFA or a restraining order.  (However that works in your jurisdiction.)

On the day I signed the divorce papers, we both left the lawyer's office, she went one way and I want the other.  I haven't seen, spoken or written to her for almost ten years and that's the way I like it.  We now live in different states and the only reason I know which state she live in is so that I don't accidentally go there.

Take it easy, bro!  I'm glad you're doing well.  Chill out and enjoy your life again, for a change!  😉

Enjoy wearing your fur too!  😄

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I took two nights off away from things after I was kicked out for leaving the x..fiance... her mom/mom in law..>>we had issues sometimes as well... wast fun..

I've learned in life that no matter how much you kill people with kindness, it's not enough for whats its worth..learned that the hard way in prior work in the gas station business.... thats a whole monkey out of the box that I don't  wanna talk about... 9 years experience in that field .. 

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I have heard that people who have been in relationships with dysfunctional people have a greater chance of getting involved with other dysfunctional people in the future.  I have heard it called "Magnet Syndrome."

I don't know if it's real or whether it's just a pop psychology term but it seems to be true for me, at least.

I'd like to know what the cause could be.  (Assuming that Magnet Syndrome is a real thing.)

Yeah, I grew up in a difficult environment, as well.  It's just as difficult to explain.  I've never heard of anybody who grew up the way I did.  Things were strange, back then, but it all seemed normal to me, at the time.

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It is super warm..

I had two unexpected compliments this morning...both were nice..

Wore jeans and leather boots ..casuall..but dressy with the fur.. for work searching

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  • 4 weeks later...

Life is getting better slowly one day after another..kinda takin my time with things and letting things go..

Feels so good to wear/sleep with my furs alot at home..

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On 4/15/2021 at 2:58 PM, paul2809 said:

Life is getting better slowly one day after another..kinda takin my time with things and letting things go..

Feels so good to wear/sleep with my furs alot at home..

Good for you, take it one day at a time and do what you enjoy doing...btw I like the coat, you just need a matching fur hat 🙂 

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  • 11 months later...

Its been one year that I've left...

Life is different definitely..

I could say that being single rules, doing my own things has been easier when it comes to wearing furs..

I've not faced any opposition so far..

I am Iiving in a rural area..

which I love..with family....

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  • 1 month later...

A year has gone by now...

I feel comfortable in wearing furs , but not in this hot heat here...

Just a waiting game now for winter coming..

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